Series → The Search for the Funny – Part IV.I: The Showdown of the Cute and Scary (Section 2)
The Search for the Funny
Part IV.I : The Showdown of the Cute and Scary (Section 2)
Google Search 3: Pandas
This is quite obviously a picture of a baby Polar Bear trying to restore the oak flooring in a two story house near downtown San Francisco.
Scariness: 945
It’s not especially scary, being a baby bear. I do remember the story of Goldy.. hawn… and the three umm… panda bears. In which three bears were lifeguards… or something… and Goldie Hawn played the part of a soldier named Ryan, or Benjamin, or something. Anyway, the point is that you don’t fuck with bears.
Cuteness: 4
Jennifer decided that killer ferret instincts aside (she insists that it’s some kind of weasel), it looks really cute. At this point our disagreement over whether it was a bear or a ferret caused us to break out in a plastic sword fight. I won the duel because I broke the most stuff. I still say its a Polar Bear.
va SoH: 2
It seems logical that it would take at least two Klingon soldiers to kill a handy-man polar bear. One to lure him with an offer of free vinyl siding and the other to attack him from behind. I feel that one Klingon could not both sneak up behind him and give a good presentation of our fabulous products offered at reasonable rates.
Final Score: 951
Google Search 4: String Monsters
Do not be fooled by this picture. What you are seeing is one of the fearsome Kat Warriors of Alkamas locked in combat with the String Warriors from the Fourth Dimension. This battle was a bloody one with the Kat Warrior winning by only a narrow margin.
Scariness: 34
Prior to the battle, the bet was on the String Monster, being that it could transform itself into any form, and its “Cat’s Cradle”, was feared throughout the galaxy. The Kat Warrior had won by the end of the halluci… I mean battle, and posed no threat to anyone stronger than a sick toddler. Anything 34 miles away or more would have no trouble escaping.
Cuteness: 10
My sister is adamant that this is the cutest picture of the bunch. She almost went rogue and gave it an 11. Luckily I got to it first. Several swordfights, and a lot of broken Precious Moments figurines later, it was declared that a 10 was high enough.
Va SoH: .5
A paraplegic Klingon could beat this cat to death armed with a rubber pacifier and an empty DVD case. The only foreseeable problem is if the cat ran away, in which case the Klingon would need to roll to catch it. Hopefully it will run downstairs.
Final Score: 44.5